COLUMN: Take action and take ownership of your life to make it more enjoyable

Many people get caught in the pattern of telling themselves the same story over and over again.

“This” or “that” didn’t work because it was “his” or “her” fault or that would never have happened if only “she” or “he” had done things “this” way or “that” way.

The one thing we have control over in our lives is the internal conversation we have with ourselves. Once we become aware of this conversation taking place and begin to notice your thought process, you can than begin to change the thought process and ultimately change the course of your life.

Life will become more enjoyable as you start to take action in taking ownership of your life. Because at the end of the day, this is your life to live and enjoy and nobody else’s.

Yes, whilst we mostly enjoy life surrounded by other people, we can also enjoy our own company too.

I first came across the “change your thoughts, change your life” philosophy in the teachings of Dr Wayne Dyer who was a world renowned writer and spiritual teacher.

He says “Change your story and change your life”. It’s true. I, myself, to a certain point in my life - probably around my mid-twenties - told myself a story about how life is and isn’t.

When I look back now, I think, while yes that was my story back than, a lot has changed in those years and the story I tell myself now (about life) has changed as my life has also evolved.

The same goes for 10 years from now, my story about my life will have changed dramatically. However, we can change the story we tell ourselves about our lives, in an instant. Why not today?

I invite you to think about a problem you are facing in your life. It may be a relationship, financial or personal issue you are trying to manage. Whilst yes, your coping mechanisms may work and have worked in the past - ask yourself - is there a way I can change my normal coping mechanism and change my outlook on this problem?

What level of autonomy, control and ultimate responsibility can I take for these problems myself and what action can I take right now, today?

Many people get trapped into thinking you have to wait for other people to get things done but the power truly does lie within you.

You can make a choice today that changes the course of your life.

Start by changing the internal conversation that goes on.

It may be difficult at first as our nature, as human beings, can often lead to an introspection that looks within to point blame at ourselves and asking ourselves the questions like - “How could I have changed that situation?” “Maybe I didn’t do enough?”

The reality is that the past is in the past and you can change that story today and every day into the future.

The teachings of Dr Wayne Dyer encourages people to have “moments’” of realisations where something just seems to click. I would recommend his work to anyone looking to take back more control in their life and enjoy life more.

To bring things back to simplicity and stray from provoking a major life decision here, think of something small that can be changed today. If you drive make an extra effort to clean your car.

A cleaner, clutter free space often clears the way for a clutter free mind. So if that’s your car or your living space, start today. God knows I could make a bigger effort on this one in particular myself and big time so I am committing now to de cluttering my living space!

Another life teacher or coach who I have followed over the years is Tony Robbins.

He says that once you take “action” by “scheduling” what you want to do, it than becomes more real and because you have scheduled it, you are taking responsibility and making yourself more accountable for what you really want in life.

Looking into the New Year, we will all have habits that we would love to change.

Often, what happens is we are great for the first two-three weeks and than the old habits start knocking again. Maybe you could try implementing the “change your story, change your life” philosophy.

Most people have been through or are going through hardship in their lives however it is all about how we look at this so called hardship. It is the attitude we express towards our situation that will ultimately change the situation itself.

Instead of thinking how tough the world is, practise an attitude of gratitude for what is good in your life and than work from there.

Look, I don’t have all the answers however I have been through enough in life to know what works and what doesn’t. Looking at the world and thinking how terrible the things are that have happened to you will just keep you stuck in a rut. Look at the bad things that have happened to you and flip it on its head and think these things happened for me.

I don’t care how bad the situation is, life throws crap at us all the time. If you change how you react and think of it is another challenge you will overcome, it then becomes more enjoyable and exciting.

As always, I will never sugar coat mental health as I am aware of the devastating loss and grief it can bring however in saying that we cannot focus on the loss and grief around mental health and we must now focus on recovery and coping mechanisms around getting better.

Cathal O Reilly is a self-development author and advocate. He holds a Bachelor of Commerce from UCC and he is certified in Counselling and Psychotherapy. Email: [email protected]