An Indian wedding and a Clonmel home

Matchmakers can help two people meet, find love, and create a family. Richie and Sangeeta didn’t need any problematic arranged marriage or commercial spouse finders. A family member got them together in 2002 whilst they worked in Thailand. They have been together for 22 years now, living in Clonmel with two young adult children.

Richie recalls “Sangeeta and her sister Deepali taught at a Thai secondary school in 2002 with me. By intuition, not astrology, Deepali sensed the potential for us. We felt immediate chemistry and after two months, we decided to marry and flew to Mumbai to meet with her family who lived in Aurangabad, 340 kilometers inland”. His soon to be in laws knew nothing of Ireland but had attended Catholic schools in their state of Maharashtra. Most important, they, as Buddhists in philosophy and spiritual practice, loving their daughter, were open to Richie, a member of the Catholic religion. And they spoke English, an outcome of British colonialism. “I was overwhelmed by the physical closeness and the mass of people there”, Richie recalls”. My family was happy I was marrying a European”, Sangeeta recalls. Richie picks up the story “Soon we experienced an Indian wedding and, for our honeymoon, visited the Taj Mahal. Sangeeta added “and we made a pilgrimage to the birthplace of the Buddha”.

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Coming to Clonmel, they received a blessing from Fr. John O’Brien at Presentation Convent, attended by Richie’s family, including his late mother. They moved into Richie’s house, where they remain, on Heywood Drive. Sangeeta began substitute teaching and Richie as a social worker for Family Care Ireland.

How did the bride adjust to life in County Tipperary? Richie: “She came from a culture where communication is very direct, so she was confronted with our Irish way of being more subtle, not to mention our humor and accents”. Perhaps shades of ‘I’m Grand’? Sangeeta: “I was the only brown person in town”, she exclaimed, half-joking, half remembering the feeling of being an outsider. “At first, I felt left out of many conversations. Clonmel is a small and close community and through our children’s activities I began to meet and befriend neighbors”. Daughter Ria was in Girl Guides; her brother Oishin in the Scouts. Both were in Golf and Rowing clubs and the Hillview Sports Club.

Had either parent experienced negative responses being a couple of mixed culture, religions, and skin colour? Richie: “No”. Sangeeta adds: “Nothing in India or here. Clonmel has been very welcoming. But there are always gender biases, especially in India”.

Their children are now studying in the University of Ulster. Ria, now 21, is a third-year student of pharmacy in Coleraine and Oishin, 19, a first year Hospitality Management student in Belfast.

“We’re not worried for their safety; the terrible sectarian violence has largely stopped. The army no longer has checkpoints at the border. There is no border. The two are close though being on different ends of Ulster. They found good accommodations and educational opportunities there”, their father explained. As to the names the couple had chosen, Richie commented: “Ria is also common in India. Oishin is a variation of the son of the mythic Fionn mac Cumhaill”.

Upon a visit to their Terrace home, the son was bustling off with his kit bag to go golfing whist his sister sat in quietly, offering information she’d found on her phone about India. They have visited India often and Ria is fluent in Hindi. Their grandparents have passed away, perhaps causing more of an immediate child-parent bond. They dressed like any young adult walking past the Main Guard. Both had graduated from Cashel’s Rockwell College. Oishin also was a pupil in Glenstal Abbey in Limerick for his final years.

Asked if the couple would want their offspring to utilize a matchmaker such as the famous Willie Daly of Lisdoonvarna who in the past 60 years has helped hundreds of couples get together, he responded: “No, they can make their own decisions”. She had a more nuanced response: “That would be stupid; parents don’t need to interfere with their choices.” Pressed, she added: “asking for parent’s approval is just a formality. We trust our children’s judgements”. Even if they suddenly elope? “Yes”.

What is a typical evening like at their home? Sangeeta, having obtained a degree in public health and microbiology, last worked in November as an auditor for a health care firm. Richie is an avid reader and is a great fan of the author John Grisham. At home from his carer job, they might have ordered Indian take out, then watch a Netflix movie. Richie adds, “I’m a regular reader of The Independent and the political magazine, The Phoenix”. On days when the rain is less, they bike on the Blueway or hike in woods. Richie loves to golf; Sangeeta paints landscapes, several of which adorn their living room. She also repurposes smallie’s clothes into blankets. She meditates daily. She has shared this passion by offering yoga and meditation classes at St. Mary’s Pastoral Centre, working with Father Billy Meehan. Currently she leads classes at Place4U. “My aspiration is to secure a place for this, but it is expensive and complicated”, she sighs. Her teacher is Praha Acham Rumpai who leads a temple in Mitchelstown.

As for Richie, at his carer job, where he is in a leadership position, he expresses his innate character of service. Learning the needs of diverse Clonmel residents led him to seek public office. As an Independent since 2002 he’s been elected to city and county positions. “I’m a democrat”, is how he describes himself. He often partners with other independents. In June he nominated Pat English of the Workers and Unemployed Workers party for Mayor. He likes the Clonmel Council’s practice of sharing the Mayoral duties. “It gives the smaller parties a chance. You don’t have much power, but you can advocate for people to be served properly. This is a great honor”, the former Mayor comments. Wearing his hat as a leader of the Carer’s Association and Tipperary County Councilor, he recently led a delegation to Dublin to plea for adequate funding for social services for those with special needs.

“I miss hosting receptions for the great community organizations that we have in Clonmel and paying tribute to those fantastic citizens who do so much for our society. But now I have more time for myself and our family”. He told Tipperary Live in June 2024 “I want to express my gratitude to each and every one of you for your unwavering support”. As his term began, the town was shocked by the tragic deaths of four teens in a horrific the car crash in a driving rainstorm. They had, that day in August 2023, just gotten their Leaving Certs. “I was so proud of the town for turning out en masse at Kickham Plaza for the Memorial Service. It gave the families great comfort to know the whole community was behind them to support them in their time of grief”.

An extremely pleasant series of events he and Sangeeta experienced came from Clonmel having “twin city” relationships with Reading in the UK, Costa Masnaga, Italy (birthplace of Charles Bianconi, founder of Irish transport system), Bordeaux, France and Peoria, Illinois. “We have travelled over the years with our neighbors several times to these places and, in return, hosted many delegations. We gladly pay the airfare and are hosted by families. Most noteworthy was the intensity of interest in Irish folklore and music by the Irish diaspora in the farming town of Peoria”.

What are the kinds of issues of concern they feel today? Richie began, “Housing, housing of Asylum seekers and relations with Travelers and Roma”. He is especially keen on revitalization of downtown Clonmel: “We need more grants for Urban Renewal. We must accept there are fewer shops due to the internet but increasing concerts and tourism will help with town spirit and increase the footfall. The new Suir Island Camping Park has helped as will the new performance space near the Friary”. Sangeeta expressed some parallel thoughts: “Clonmel would benefit greatly from a dedicated performing arts space. More concerts and a free Athletic Center in the northern part of town would greatly benefit young people and might reduce the anti-social behavior”.

Richie is deeply bound to Clonmel, his family and his religion. He is a Minister of the Eucharist in St. Mary’s Church in Irishtown. Richie recalls, “My late Uncle Michael Dempsey helped with the erection of the Holy Year Cross on the foothills of the Comeragh Mountains. When he passed away last year, we spread his ashes there on August Monday, which has been the traditional day for the annual Mass. After our descent we enjoyed much needed refreshments at The Emigrants Rest pub in Old Bridge”.

As Sangeeta and Richie approach retirement age, what heroes and heroines do they admire? Richie: “Monsignor Hugh O’Flaherty who saved many during the Nazi rule by hiding them in the Vatican. There is a stature for him in Killarney. And Mother Theresa”. Sangeeta: “Dr. Babasaheb Ambedkar who drafted the Indian Constitution and Savitribai Phule who advocated for women’s education during the British Raj”.

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Their hopes for their children: “To keep developing and help humanity”, is Richie’s. Sangeeta believes that; “As the world goes in a bad way, for our children to be happy and content. Blessings for loving kindness are the path to realize one’s karma”. She acts on these beliefs, always willing to “give a hand to any of the new immigrants to our town”. Richie himself has just been elected President of the Clonmel Rotary Club.

This family illustrates the good which comes when a loving person acts on intuition and knowledge to bring diverse people together. This process began with the couple, extending to their children, and to Clonmel, and the world.

FAMILIES OF CLONMEL

Clonmel Applefest in conjunction with the Clonmel Nationalist are delighted to share the ten stories that comprise its ‘Families of Clonmel’ book launched during last September’s Applefest. Ten Families originally from or who have lived in Clonmel for at least 10 years are included in the book for which nominations were sought and secured after a lengthy selection process. For each cohort, the family head was interviewed in their homes with a final photograph by John D. Kelly included with the wider multigenerational family. Families come from a wide spectrum of backgrounds, from well-established Clonmel natives to more recently arrived families. Included in the book are: The Burkes, Caseys, Dempseys, Gleesons, Hacketts, Hewitts, Mcnamaras, Molloys, Purcells, and Sheikhs. All shared what they enjoy doing together and why family is important to them.

This project would not have been possible without the participation of a vibrant cohort of locally-based committed community writers who took an interest, interviewed and wrote about the selected families under the mentorship of Sean O’Connor, an accomplished writer and editor from Nenagh. This ambitious project was made possible with a grant from the Arts Council of Ireland and additional support from Age-Friendly Tipperary and The Museum of Hidden Histories.

The festival theme in 2025 was ‘The Ties that Bind’ and these stories demonstrate love, humour and caring in a very real and meaningful way. Copies of the book can be purchased for € 12 at Hickey’s Bakery, the Narrow Space Gallery and Chou’s Cottage (including via shops’ websites).

About the writer:

Barrie Peterson has enjoyed living in Irishtown, Clonmel for nearly two years now. He's retired from work in New York where he was involved in the community sector, teaching and pastoral/career counselling. Growing up on a farm, he has written dozens of pieces from his 80 years which may form a memoir. He is a member of Clonmel Tidy Towns, Workman's Boat Club, the Community Chorus and volunteers for cultural festivals and aids his partner Bea Conner in her drama projects. They have shared how they were welcomed to town in a recent Irish Times "New to the Parish" interview.