Tipperary couple opened their hearts to foster children after their own kids flew the nest

Empty nest syndrome hits many parents at some stage, and for some the answer to the departure of children from the family home is to fill their spare time with activities. Not so Seamus Mullins (61) and his partner Susan McGuire from Clerihan.

When the couple, who have one son Brandon (28), now living in Canada, and daughter Chloe (30), living in Clonmel, found just the two of them living in their four-bed house, they decided to open their door and their hearts to children in need of a stable home.

They have been providing full-time foster care for seven years.

June is National Fostering Awareness Month, and Tusla – the national agency for foster care – is seeking foster carers just like Seamus and Susan to help ensure young people can stay connected to their communities.

A local placement will ensure a young person can maintain important connections with their friends, sports, school, and community, and reach their full potential.

“We did relative fostering at first, looking after two nephews and a niece. After four years the court decided they should return to their parents. The judge said the children should go back that very day. It was hard to accept at the time, but in hindsight the judge made the right decision, and the children are thriving,” says Seamus.

“At the end of the day children are being sent back for a reason, and you have to accept that. From the day you start fostering to the day you finish, the good outcome is to get everyone back together, with their parents where they belong.”

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Two years ago, the couple started providing respite care for five or six hours a week to Oisín* (now aged 14).

“He had a lot of behavioural and health problems, and it looked like he was going to be placed in residential care, so that’s when we decided to foster him full-time,” says Seamus.

“It wasn’t easy, but Susan was very good with the nephews and niece, so between us we knew what his needs were.
“We got Oisín into Scoil Chormaic Special Needs School in Cashel, and he’s thriving now – the behavioural issues have gone.

He’s a lot more confidant and he looks forward to going to school.”

At their stage of life, they might be forgiven if they wanted to put their feet up and enjoy the quiet of an empty house after the fledglings fly the nest, but that wasn’t for Seamus and Susan. A year later the couple began fostering Jaden* (now eight years’ old), who has speech and language and medical issues.

“Knowing that we could get through relative fostering, we felt we would be able to support Jaden too. Yes, we are supporting two children with issues when our own didn’t have any, but we adopt the same rules for Oisín and Jaden as we did for them, more or less. They’re no different to any other children, and the two boys get on with each other, which was something that had been a worry for us initially.”

The stability of a loving home is clearly paying dividends. Seamus says the boys like routine and the certainty that rules and regulations bring.

“They would never question when it’s time to go to bed, and they know what time breakfast and tea is at. Before coming here, they wouldn’t know what time they’d get dinner, or even if they’d get a dinner, so they buy into it.”

The couple have participated in training courses provided by Tusla Fostering, which support them in caring for the children.

“The courses are good, and it’s a great way to meet other people who have the same issues that you have, then there are coffee mornings, a function at Christmas and a family day in July, where carers get together.

“Tusla has been very helpful; we’ve been very lucky with the link worker we have; you couldn’t fault them in any way, and you can ring them at any time, and we’ve also a good network of family who will help if needed.

Oisín actually calls Susan’s father ‘grandad’. Our own children say we’re mad, but they’ve been great. Our daughter is always willing to lend a hand.”

It might surprise people that Seamus is fostering at his stage in life, but then there are many misconceptions around who is, or isn’t, eligible to foster.

“People think that fostering is for people in their late twenties or thirties, but that’s not the case. I actually know a couple in their 70s who are still fostering,” he says.

Tusla currently works with foster carers from all walks of life – for instance, those who are in a same-sex relationship, are Travellers, are of African or Eastern European origin, are Muslim, have a disability, who don’t have a job currently, who rent, who are single, who are over 40, and with parents who both work.

Tusla’s National Lead for Fostering Jacqui Smyth says the Child and Family Agency welcomes applicants and enquiries from all backgrounds to provide foster care, which comes in a variety of forms, from short-term respite care to relative care and long-term.

“It is really important that the pool of available foster carers is as diverse and unique as possible because the needs of every child differ.

“Right now, in every part of Ireland, there is a need for foster carers. Children come into care from every socio-economic group, across religions and cultures, across rural and urban communities throughout our country. Every child deserves the chance to live in a home within their own community.”

Tusla wants to help ensure young people can stay connected to their communities.

A local placement will ensure a young person can maintain important connections with their friends, sports, school, and community and reach their full potential.

Jacqui Smyth adds: “In Tulsa, our focus is to support foster carers and encourage people to consider becoming a carer for a child who is unable to remain at home. We do this through a spectrum of support for fostering families.

“We collaborate closely with stakeholders and colleagues to innovate and advocate for children and families in the foster care system.”

So have the rewards outweighed the challenges for Seamus and Susan?

“The biggest challenge was that it was a complete unknown at the very start. The best thing is knowing that you have done some good for the children, in terms of their health, their education and their upbringing.

“You’re seeing someone coming to you at rock bottom and then coming out of that and gaining confidence.

“We’re doing our best – there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, and there’s no such thing as a perfect foster carer, but you can make a difference and get a great laugh from it too. I’d say to anyone considering fostering to give it a go.”
For more information, see www.fostering.ie

*Names have been changed