‘I’m delighted I went through my depression because it was a breakthrough in my life’

Thurles man PJ Grace recently came into the Tipperary Star office after reading our recent article about mental health in Tipperary and the sad times locals were facing following a series of suicides in the local area.

PJ is a man who is no stranger to this subject matter and had spoken to the Tipperary Star on two occasions in the early 90s and then again in the early 2000s. He returned to the office again in March to tell part three of his story, in the hopes that his words about his own experience might be of help to anyone who might be struggling.

In January 1992, former Tipperary Star journalist Mary Hassett wrote the first piece about PJ Grace and his inspiring mental health journey.

In her article she described PJ as a man, who to the outsider, “was the life and soul of the party, the man to go to if you wanted to organise an event, the fast talking, outgoing character who played a leading role in almost every sporting and community organisation in the town and further afield.”

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She went on to describe what PJ was going through behind closed doors: “PJ went into a terrible depression and literally took to the bed. For nine whole months he rarely left his bedroom.”

She continued: “A series of mental breakdowns followed during which PJ attempted to take his life twice.”

PJ then found ‘GROW’. GROW is a mental health charity that follows a 12-step AA recovery model where people are provided a space to tell their story confidentially and in a setting that encourages positive action through shared wisdom and practical guidance.

PJ told Mary that he found it very difficult to tune into the meetings at first because of his ongoing depression, but members of the group were very supportive and at the time he openly admitted to shedding many tears as he opened up to different members but that this proved to be a healing process.

Mary wrote: “Strange as it seems PJ in time began to be grateful for having suffered a mental breakdown as it led to a breakthrough in his life. ‘The fact that it has been possible to change, not only to survive but to come out of the terrible experience of mental breakdown a stronger and wiser me is a still proving a great source of wonder.’”

Part two of PJ’s story came almost ten years later in March 2001. At the time PJ was well into his mental health journey and was now looking for ways to use what he had learned from his own experiences to help others in similar situations.

He told the Tipperary Star that those who have walked the walk are in the best position to understand the needs of what he dubbed the ‘walking wounded’, those who may have suffered from depression, bullying, abuse or whatever else.

He said: “I overdosed twice. As a young man I was always trying to achieve and trying to prove myself. But now I know everybody is unique and different and nobody has to prove anything.” PJ continued, quoting one of his favourite writers, Anthony De Mello: “In your formative years you should have been helped to scrape these layers off and liberate your mind. Instead your society, your culture, which put these layers on your mind in the first place has educated you not to even notice them.”

In the early 2000s PJ was surprisingly ahead of the curve when it came to mental health practices, he explained at the time that he had gotten into the habit of practicing meditation at home. He also told the Tipperary Star about his own programme that he had developed which helped him to maintain and look after his mental health: “I have seen the need for an alternative approach - a programme which meets the concerns of people in difficulty as they see them.”

The 14-step programme which he still follows to this day incorporates his philosophy that therapy, empathy and love are the best way to achieve a healthier mind. A focal point of his philosophy is that “the unexamined life is not worth living” and that feelings are neither right nor wrong but that leaving feelings unaddressed is what leads to loss of control.

In 2025, PJ is still very much living by these philosophies. He kindly invited me into his home last week where he eloquently recounted these same ideas that he told Tipperary Star journalists in decades before and his positive attitude and warm welcome at 86-years-old are evidence that his practice works.

In PJ’s home he has surrounded himself with pictures of his family as well as many different mantras that he draws on in any low moments. Three blankets are draped on the furniture in his sitting room, on them are the words ‘courage’ and ‘love’ written in bold lettering. A poster on the wall reads ‘If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit’ and another one says ‘something good is going to happen to me today’.

His armchair is well-positioned in the room, from it not only has he a good angle to see the television but he can also see each of the mantras and framed photos he has on his walls and furniture.

Throughout our conversation, he points to the various phrases and explains how when he is feeling low he draws on these mantras for inspiration and to remind him of the messages that are so important to him.

He began our conversation telling me about the two articles he worked on before and made reference to his experience with GROW, he said: “I remember after my article about GROW someone came back to me and said GROW didn’t change your life, they gave you the tools so you could be the one to change your life and they were right.”

He continued: “I’m delighted that I did go through my depression, because it was a breakthrough in my life. I understand now that I had to change my mind set and I had to detox my emotions and my feelings.

“When you’re going through a depression like that, it’s just all negativity and it took losing some parts of my life for me to be able to really find out who I was. I always say your new self is your true self.”

PJ spoke about how after his last articles he received numerous letters commending him for his courage and speaking so openly, which inspired him to continue practicing this openness.

He also spoke about how since finding his way out of his depression not only has his relationship with himself grown much better but his relationships with other people have greatly improved and many are the best they’ve ever been.

PJ said: “I often go through a bad day but I know how to handle it now. Fixing the bad day might be picking up the phone and chatting with you, or maybe going into the day centre or going for a cup of coffee with somebody.

“When you’re in a depression you isolate yourself but you have to be kind to yourself. Suffering is part of the human condition but our problems are never as unique as we feel them to be.”

PJ then read a passage from a piece that he finds particularly inspiring:

“At times, we all need a little inspiration to make a major change in our lives, to help us to deal with some unexpected and perhaps tragic life event, to comfort us when we feel that we have lost our way and life has lost its meaning. Invariably, chaos in our life brings transformation in its wake, here lies our greatest opportunity to learn and grow.”

PJ described how he tried everything to fix his mental health and he was in and out of psychiatric hospitals but the only person he really needed to help him change was himself.

He finished our conversation by looking back on his life and saying: “If change was easy, we’d all be doing it. No one doesn’t want to be changed in some way. I use a lot of my own stuff to help me but people have to set up their own version of what works for them.”

PJ has spent years building a programme and a set of tools that help him to manage his feelings and his emotions but it’s clear from speaking to him that the inception point for everything stemmed from one point of realisation all those years ago where he discovered being open with himself and allowing himself to feel the emotions he was feeling and express himself so that he could better understand why he was feeling the way he was.

It’s a striking and welcome conversation to be a part of when someone from an older generation will speak so earnestly about mental health struggles and it really is emblematic of the fact that mental health struggles are not something new but they are something that can be addressed and fixed. Thankfully PJ is still here today and it’s clear that he is very glad to have lived the 40 years or so that he did since that dark period in his life all those years ago.

If you or someone you know is going through a low period and you are looking for guidance on how to get help, you can contact your local Suicide Bereavement Liaison Officer.

In north Tipperary your local officer is Eva Reddy and in south Tipperary it is Cora Fitzpatrick, both can be contacted by calling 0818 111 126 from Wednesday - Friday between 9am-5pm.