OPINION: Self-confidence is not what 'they' think of us but what we think of ourselves

Self-confidence is defined in the dictionary as “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement”.

Self-confidence is not what “they” think of us but what we think of ourselves. Our confidence can be a fragile thing and it is a muscle we exercise every day.

Sometimes, people can say things a certain way and you can react accordingly but it can be shattering to your confidence if you are inclined to be reactive.

Awareness and mindfulness are powerful tools to help with this “reactive” way of being - being mindful and aware of what words you speak and what warmth you bring.

You may be having a bad day, however how you react can be detrimental to your friendships and relationships and most importantly, to yourself.

Things like fashion, body weight etc. can help with our confidence but real confidence comes from inside. Today’s confidence is body shape, body weight, teeth whitening and so on.

Depending on how you use social media, it can help or hinder your confidence. Constant scrolling throughout the day is not only a new addiction but can increase a lack of confidence as it demands more superficial acceptance.

Being still in the company of others is important for our confidence. We can tend to criticise ourselves for being still, however being relaxed can be the best way to be in company for both yourself and for others. There is great confidence in silence and self-awareness.

Security in yourself is important for self-confidence. This entails having a good relationship with your family, your workplace and your finances.

Choices you make from an overall perspective are important as well as looking forward to the future with a sense of optimism and looking at the results be it health, work, food, exercise or relationships. Looking into the past is a pointless exercise.

Acknowledging the past is important, however moving forward is just as if not more important. Being surrounded by supportive people can help develop your confidence and also give you the confidence to support others.

Appreciation for everything you have, be it your health or wealth can create a sense of comfort and ease which in turn helps with confidence – a better outlook on life and a feeling of going on the right trajectory - comfortable in your own skin.

Confidence is like fine wine!

It gets better with age for most people. However, false confidence can lead to a sense of cockiness and ego which can often be a front for something bigger going on inside.

Bullying can manifest from this when people try to push their problems onto others when they see confidence they do not have at that time.

We also get confidence from our failures in life. Being knocked and having to learn to come back from that knock can give you resilience which in turn leads to real confidence.

When we have knocks, we have to learn the skill of survival. How do I get out of this situation I have found myself in? Once you find the answer, you learn from it and build your confidence.

Been there, done that! It is always much easier the second time around as you can tweak your direction and decision making.

We can learn more from our failures than we can from our successes. When you are older, you get to a stage in your life when you are less apologetic for who you are.

You see the world from a different perspective - with experience but with a different bird’s eye view. This comes with maturity.

Each decade, you are constantly evolving and developing as a person and your confidence is constantly being challenged – at every age.

To my readers, if you feel your confidence is a little low at the moment, just remember that your resilience is growing by the minute.