The clans of Tipperary, a journalist's perspective

What’s in a name? Everything, if you are a journalist, particularly a scribe down the country.

Names, of course, are news, and some rural scribes will recall when they were under pain of mortal sin (or job loss) to list every single mourner at a town or village funeral of a top pillar of society.

From the town Mayor to the latest hot-shot county hurling centre-back, nobody of substance must be left out was the rule. And that meant nobody. Happily, that time is gone, and five paragraphs in the obituary columns is considered generous column-inch tribute to the departed nowadays.

In a place like Tipperary, where there is a super –abundance of Ryans and Dwyers and O’Dwyers, it is still exceedingly important and imperative that you really know about whom you are writing.

Imagine a defendant in a court case being designated by the court clerk as Tom Ryan from Ballyhotsy when the world and his mother (except the reporter) knew that he was the Tom Ryan from Ballyhitsy, a few hundred yards from the real Ryan rascal, who has been laughing ever since.

That reporter would be stopping the traffic with a wave of his hand –in New York.

It is well to remember also that often there may be strong feeling in the O’Dwyer clan towards hanging members of the Dwyer clan. And it would be a foolish scribe who inserted or omitted the ‘O’ in certain cases.

Some journalists are very exact, and although they say dacent people aren’t exact, such advice should be ignored by all scribes. And even an initial gone wrong could have a group of vigilantes with a noose in the newsroom of the Watery Mall Gazette.

After all, it has been known for a comma to hang a man.

Watch out for Bridesmaids and Matrons of Honour. Here is another pitfall.

Many intelligent (and beer -soaked) relatives will tell you that Mary Ryan was the bridesmaid when that should have read Mrs Mary Cosacotta, Matron of Honour. Ryan would have been her maiden name, and no, she did NOT marry that Ryan rascal ( and all Ryans are all rogues)she courted for twelve long years!

Of course, it goes without saying that you do not accept engagements from any source-reliable or unreliable- as it is a popular rural pastime to ‘engage’ everybody. And for heavens’ sake, be accurate about the name of the fellow who scored the winning goal in the parish inter -pub competition.

His name will probably be Tom Ryan, But you must provide further clarification. You see, that also happens to be the name of the opposition full-back!

Always ask the ladies whether they are Teresa, Theresa, Terese, Therese, Tessie. They may not want to be associated with the Teresa, who was arrested for assaulting somebody’s front door on the way home from Bingo.

If a PRO. says he does not wish to be mentioned by name, there is little point in stating that it was the PRO who gave you details.

Be a sport, take the blame yourself, if the PRO is a dacent individual.After all, you are used to abuse and beatings!

Anyway, some spokespersons for parish associations do not want to be seen posturing and posing and making much of themselves, even if the quare wan in the tennis club itself is full of notions and always wanting to be raising herself up that way, the cheeky hussie, and all belong to her.

And far from that class o’thing we were reared, thank ya and good day now!

Always make a point of knowing the people who like the Gaelic version of their names to be used.

These will include some politicians, many teachers and everybody who does not wish the population to know they were fined in court for being telly spongers.

If Biddy, the winner of the make -and -model competition is from Garryotta, check the handwriting to make sure it is not Biddy from Garryetta, the former’s cousin, you are writing about.

For the latter, and the former have not ( although closely related) being hitting it off too well this five years or more. Aye, indeed, for most people, their name is sacrosanct –and quite properly so.

Respect every name like you would that of your partner or closest sweetheart. As I say,your life could depend on it.